#HowIStaySingle: A Guide from Self-Proclaimed Experts

Last week, we started a hashtag: #howistaysingle. We tweeted out some of our highly effective habits of single people, and you tweeted yours back.

This shit could be a TV show, starring all of us. You guys sent some great suggestions.

So if you’re looking for the opposite of being in a relationship, here are some guidelines by self-proclaimed experts on staying single.

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1. Shedding 10 pounds with Spanx instead of exercise #howistaysingle —@FMGMoscato

2. my twitter handle says it all. #howistaysingle —@mycatismybff

3. Eating an entire Waffle House all-star breakfast in one sitting #howistaysingle —@_kimkimbar

4. Silently stealing a t-shirt and sneaking out of a guy’s house before he can wake up and ask my name #howistaysingle —@FMGMoscato

5. finding a boyfriend means talking to new people and I really don’t want to  #howistaysingle —@aliciasetterx

6. #howistaysingle #wineisbae —@erinbrewton

7. Leaving a guy at the end of the driveway because I’d rather eat a sub and watch Big Bang Theory #howistaysingle — @goshdarnkritch

8. Going on a date and ordering an entire bottle of wine… For myself #howistaysingle —@lontox_

9. I could probably eat my weight in peanut butter frosting right now #howistaysingle —@LolaLaMarj

10. Anyone who snapchats me knows I’m super unattractive. #howistaysingle —@MissRave

11. Choosing mac & cheese over a guy at the end of the night. #howistaysingle #FMGM —@FMGMoscato

12. #howistaysingle —@DanaeKatsaH

13. Stay home nursing the unhealthy attachment I have with my dog rather than going anywhere public at all. #howistaysingle —@SEdman14

14. Loving wine more than men…#HowIStaySingle —@Vtaylor474

15. Not sharing my pizza and beer #howistaysingle #mine —@ellyyya

16. Pizza #howistaysingle —@yayfordre

17. When I’m drunk all I talk about is cats, Ke$ha, and how great the bottle of wine is in my hand. #howIstaysingle —@melllly44

18. Spending more time eating Mexican food and drinking my weight in margs, rather than losing that weight at the gym. #howistaysingle —@fmgmoscato

19. I just asked my dog if my new polish is pretty. #howistaysingle —@SingleStatus01

20. #howistaysingle #foodforever —@JordanAshley30

21. A bottle of tequila holds a special place in my heart that no man can take @FMGMoscato #howistaysingle #FMGM –@TayPowerRanger

22. convincing every guy I meet I’m dating my best friend because I don’t have time for them #howistaysingle —@torimaduro

23. When you’re quoted as saying things like this #howistaysingle —@Cara_Martin

24. Using dates to get hammered F0 FR33!!! #howistaysingle —@EmilyUpdegraff

25. Kissing more girls than guys when I’m drunk —@FMGMoscato

26. Requiring food every two hours or I get hangry. #howistaysingle —@katemhofer

27. Showing a photo album filled only with photos of your cat while calling them your child #howistaysingle —@leahhhbearrr

Don’t be ashamed.. the time in life you spend without a boyfriend is important. Embrace it. Love it. Tolerate it. Keep wine close-by.

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It’s Time To Go Back To Your College Town

Summer is great, we all know that. But it really can’t compare to the feeling of moving back into your apartment or sorority with your best friends. Summer is fun for the first two months and then July rolls around and we’re ready to get out of our hometowns, be done with our internships and head back to the place we really call home; our beautiful campuses. I’ve almost checked out of my internship completely (you’re all lying if you say you haven’t) and I have a countdown until I can move into my new apartment. Here are some reasons why it’s time to go back to school:

1. Wearing Norts all day, every day

2. Football season

3. Tailgating

4. Waking up at 5 am for tailgating and breakfast club.

5. Your favorite bartender misses you

6. The bouncers who hate you miss the entertainment they get from laughing at your drunk ass

7. Skipping class to watch Netflix

8. Your fuck buddy

9. Having sex

10. House parties

11. Fraternity parties

12. Your regular table at the local Mexican restaurant misses you

13. Seeing your friends everyday

14. Being able to walk to your classes

15. Your school’s gym/rec center

16. Visiting your friends at other schools

17. You actually miss going to class

18. Fall ( every girl in the history of the world loves Fall more than most things, don’t lie to yourself)

19. Pumpkin Spice Lattes (I’ve never actually had one but I know they’re right behind Karkov as the official drink of college girls)

20. Hearing the song “I Love College” seven hundred and fifty thousand times

21. Two Dollar Tuesdays

22. Cheap alcohol at the bars (Dollar shots, anyone?)

23. Wearing sweaters and boots and looking identical to every other girl on campus. But it’s okay because we all look amazing in them

24. Cute single boys everywhere

25. Getting new school supplies and clothes (because we’re all still 16 at heart)

26. Free condoms at the health center. Seriously, they just give them to you

27. Going dark with your hair for fall and winter #brunettepower

28. Drinking on Mondays. Or Tuesdays. Or  Wednesdays

29. Basically being able to drink whenever you want

30. Seriously, even on Sundays

31. Your favorite campus restaurant and all their delicious food

32. Watching the freshmen wander around with the lost look on their faces

33. Watching freshmen attempt to get into the campus bars with their fake IDs

34. The bathroom line in bars

35. Making new friends in the bathroom line

36. Actually getting an A after studying your ass off for a hard exam

37. Spending hours in the library studying, so you can go to the bar later, of course

38. The Nearly Naked Mile (every school does those, right?)

39. Homecoming Week

40. Going back to school means you’re one month closer to TomorrowWorld (if any of you FMGM girls are going, let me know!)

41. Not actually getting carded because the bouncers know who you are

42. Waking up with smeared bar stamps on your arms

43. Octobongs and keg stand

44. Porchin. The ultimate college hobby

45. Being surrounded by thousands of people who all love your school as much as you do

Let’s all take a moment of silence for how perfect our schools are. Start your countdowns, ladies. We’ll all be back where we belong before we know it!

(A special thanks to all of my beautiful, drunk friends for letting me use their pictures for this post!)

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30 Things No One Has Time For

1. Liquid eyeliner: after 15 minutes of trying to make your eyes look even, you end up looking like this

2. Car washes: seriously, when was the last time you washed it?

3. Blowdrying your hair: sleep > perfect hair day

4. Making the bed: what’s the point, you’re just going to get back in it 12 hours later

5. Shitty friends: ditch those bitches

6. Dressing up everyday: seriously, who has the time for that?

7. Yoga: meh

8.  mediocre sex: what’s even the point? go big or go home

9.  visiting your professor during his office hours: fuck that

10. relationships that are going nowhere: the biggest waste of time

11. watching your favorite TV shows live: who does that anymore? (unless it’s PLL and involves shirtless Caleb)

12. cooking: no.

13. catching up with someone over coffee: that’s a funny one

14. an entire skincare routine: if I take off my makeup before bed, then I consider that a success

15. Shaving everyday: is there anyone that actually does that?

16. Vacuuming your apartment: why vacuum when you can be watching Netflix in bed

17. Bar lines: I need my drink and I need it now.

18. Trying on clothes in dressing rooms: take it home, try it on, return it

19. Going out every single night: when will you have time to watch Netflix?

20. babies: ew

21. eyebrow waxes: at least the natural look is in right now

22. reading for fun: how are you supposed to do that when you have to read 456 pages for your history class?

23. staying in a job you hate: run as fast as you can

24. maintaining a perfect manicure: never gonna happen.

25. laundry: just run to the store and buy some more underwear

26. wearing a matching bra and underwear: too much planning

27. contouring: the only person that has time for this is Kim Kardashian

28. wearing a matching bra and underwear: too much planning

29. pants: no explanation necessary

30. emails: too stressful, especially when your inbox is full of 4567 messages from Victoria’s Secret alone

 

 

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9 Lies High School You Told Yourself About Adult You

There are all sorts of things you tell yourself as a naive soon-to-be adult. With a new class of incoming freshmen, I thought it would be a nice wake-up call to go ahead and prepare them for all of the things they’re going to do in adulthood, that they probably swore to themselves would never happen.

1. I’m not going to lose touch with my high school friends.

This is probably the biggest lie of all. As you grow up, you change, you move, you meet new friends, and your lives go in different directions. The high school football jock turns into the hippie in a ponytail. The cheerleader is actually a political nut. The party girl becomes the president of Campus Crusades for Christ. The christian, school-girl becomes an atheist. Some of my best friends from high school are completely different people now. Which is great. As you get older, you become more comfortable in your own skin, and you figure out who you really are. It’s wonderful. But you will grow apart from people.

2. My high school BF & I will stay together in college.

The same thing that happens to your high school friends, happens to your first love. You go to different colleges. For a while you hold onto the belief that life will bring the two of you back together someday. But eventually your paths go in opposite directions. Sometimes you feel sad, occasionally you’ll text to see how one another is doing. But eventually you drift apart. And one day you will meet your second love, and it will be better (or so I’m told).

This Adele song/video comes to mind:

3. I will never ever ever do drugs.

I was the girl in high school who would get so pissed at my guy friends for smoking weed, and doing other drugs. I thought they were going to ruin their lives [and most of them did]. But then you get to college, and you realize there’s nothing wrong with a little experimentation. If high school me knew all the drugs I tried in college, she would have flipped her shit. It’s important not to let them take over your life. Get shit done… but there’s nothing wrong, in my opinion, with having a little fun, and opening up your mind to new things.

4. I’m only going to drink on weekends.

You tell yourself this until you learn about $1 well drinks on Mondays, Tequila Tuesdays, Pint Night on Wednesdays, Thirsty Thursdays, You-gotta-drink-because-it’s-Friday, Saturday is self explanatory, and Sunday Funday. At most, you’ll only really end up staying sober 2 or 3 nights per week.

5. I’m going to have a 4.0 in college.

You believe this lie until 4 or 5 weeks into the semester, when you get your first test back. People don’t have 4.0s in college. And most of the people who do don’t have very much fun. It doesn’t take long in college for you to start believing adults who tell you that your GPA isn’t important. Just get that sheet of paper saying you graduated. Bs & Cs get degrees is the motto I live by.

6. I’ll have a serious boyfriend by senior year, so I’ll get married in my early 20s.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA… that’s until about halfway through freshman year when you realize that guys don’t suddenly become your mature prince charming in college. In fact, I would argue that most of my guy friends became less mature in college. They join frats, they get fake IDs, they realize there’s 4 girls to every 1 guy in adult world… and they take you for granted. You will probably date in college… but for most of us, there’s always a little voice in the back of our heads saying, “There’s no way I can spend the rest of my life with this clown.” And there’s nothing wrong with that! Being single after college has plenty of perks, like being able to take a job or travel anywhere you want.

7. I don’t want my number to be greater than, like… 5.

My advice to you is to just not count how many guys you’ve slept with… because you will inevitably surpass this number. Try multiplying your original goal by 3, and adding 5 to get a more accurate count.

8. I’m going to work my ass off, and have my dream job after graduation.

I hope this happens or happened to you. I really do. But chances are, if you want to get off of mom and dad’s payroll or start paying off those college loans, you’re going to have to take a less-than-stellar job. But accept it, and start working your way up the ladder. Your dream job is up there somewhere.

9. Health is going to be my top priority.

Yeah… until you realize how expensive it is to eat healthy sh*t, and you make the switch to Ramen and cheap wine. And working out? Sure it can be done everyday.. but I bet 86% of you workout less as an adult than you thought you would.

Losing My Virginity

Well ladies, it finally happened. I know you’re like wow this girl was 21 years old and she still hadn’t had sex? You might be thinking I’m super awkward/weird/ugly/etc. However, I’m only a little awkward and not a total dog.

So how is it that I managed to go so long without having sex and what was it like when I finally did?

It was not a big deal, at all. I had built it up in my mind for so long, that losing it would be meaningful or special but in actuality it was just something that happened and I won’t let it define me. Yeah, it was with a boy I don’t know very well and it wasn’t what I would call a pleasant experience, but I refuse to let people make me feel bad for my choice.

I’d honestly been getting sick of being a virgin and I really wanted to have sex but finding someone to do with was the tricky part. For so long, I thought that my first time would be with a boy who I loved, who loved me back. I wanted it to be perfect but reality often is as far from perfect as we can get.

I was worried about having sex with a boy and becoming emotionally attached to him, as I’ve seen happen to some oeople I’m close with. I was worried I would be crushed and broken if I did it with a boy who did not reciprocate my feelings for him. Those fears were what were stopping me from experiencing a very normal and natural thing.

Sure, there were a few other times I came close but I would chicken out or the guy said “It won’t fit” (bullshit, fucker. Your dick wasn’t that big). So I wasn’t 100% inexperienced with sex but I had no clue what it was like or how it felt.

My first time was weird. I invited this boy over after indulging in one too many vodka waters and tequila shots (curse you, Jose Cuervo) with the intention of just fooling around with him because having sex was out of the question for me.

Until it wasn’t. Basically, it happened and I was just drunk enough that I didn’t want to stop it from happening. I can remember thinking “Oh my god, I have to tell my roommate/BFF” (yes, I thought about my roommate/BFF while I was having sex LOL) and feeling a certain amount of discomfort and then it was over. When I woke up the next morning, I was alone ( I never said he was a nice guy but at least I didn’t have to face him sober) and it took me a second to realize what had happened.

I was in shock and disbelief. I went to my bathroom and brushed my teeth and kept laughing out loud, like in a crazy person sort of way, not a happy sort of way. I got dressed and went into my BFF’s room and started laughing again. All I could say was ” I did it.”

She didn’t believe me at first. I mean, who would? Me with my prized virginity having sex with a boy I didn’t know?  I could hardly believe it myself. As I tried to remember what actually had happened, all I could think about was how embarrassed I was. This random boy saw me naked and probably realized it was my first time. My insides instantly shriveled with shame and I avoided going into my room again for the rest of the day. I just did not want to deal with what had happened in there just hours earlier.

For the rest of the day, I felt so weird. Not sad, I felt empty– drained of emotions and feelings. I did not try to call or text the boy, I actually unfriended him on Facebook because seeing his name made me feel ashamed and embarrassed all over again. It’s very hard to describe exactly how I felt, I didn’t want to be around people or have to act like a person. I know that sounds dumb, but I really just wanted to process what had happened and figure out how I felt without anyone else’s expectations of how I should be acting/feeling interfering with my thoughts.

I told the people who were important to me what had happened and they all let me know if I needed anything, they would be there for me. I got lots of advice and no judgement, which is all a girl in a tough really situation needs (Shout-out to my FMGM girls).

While I wish there were some aspects I could have changed, I’m honestly relieved that it finally happened. I’m glad I got to experience sex, even if it didn’t happen under the most ideal circumstances.

In today’s society, so much pressure is put on young people about when they should be having sex, how it should be happening, who they should be sleeping with, it’s hard to feel good about your choices.

I will not let anyone make me feel bad about my decision to have sex. I thought I would be disappointed, hurt, sad, etc. I feel fine, besides some lingering embarrassment, but I’m planning on never seeing the boy again so I’m getting over that. I though having sex would change me in some fundamental way but I’m still the same person I was – I laugh way too hard at penis jokes, I say “that’s what she said,” and I act and feel like a normal, 21 year old girl.

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about your sex choices, FMGMoscato ladies. If you don’t have sex, if you have lots of sex; don’t let anyone make you think you’re doing it wrong. I’m obviously not an expert on the topic, but my (tiny, honestly his dick wasn’t that big) experience taught me that.

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Why the O.C. was and Still is the Best Show Ever

It’s undeniable, folks.

 

From Seth and Summer’s adorable relationship that gave all geeky guys hope,

To the best TV Dad of all time:

From the Cohens’ obsession with bagels,

To the lesbian love affair with the lovely Olivia Wilde:

From crazy ass Oliver,

To the best music ever,

(And that kiss doe.)

From Marissa’s tantrums,

To her alcoholism:

From Ryan and Seth’s little quirky friendship,

To  Luke:

Everything Julie Cooper said.

When Seth lost his virginity,

He was Nemo and he just wanted to go home.

Let’s, not forget Chrismukkah, the best holiday ever. You got your stockings and menorahs.

There were the sweet moments:

There were the sad ones:

The only problem we have with the most amazing show in all of history is Season 4. Let’s just pretend it doesn’t exist for the sake of our own sanities.

This is how it’s done in Orange County.
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“I’m Just Not That Into You”

Relationships can be so annoying.  But you know what’s even more annoying?  Guys who don’t understand that you don’t want to be in a relationship with them.  Actually, scratch that.  You don’t even really want to be in the same room with them!  We’ve all seen the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You.  That whole entire movie is about girls who are throwing themselves at guys and how they should do a better job at reading the signs.  Where’s the movie where guys get a lesson on reading the signs?!

I always get myself in to these situations where I’m not at all interested in the guy but I don’t know how to let him down gently.  I always try to give them the most obvious signs, but for some reason, they never get it.  Maybe I’m just being too nice?  But I also don’t want to go all Regina George and be a complete bitch to them… But maybe I should.  Here are the three insanely obvious clues that I give when I’m on a really sucky date with a really sucky guy.

1.  The Awkward Laugh

I hate when I’m on a date with a guy and they just keep talking… about themselves, of course.  All I can think in my head is, “So have I been here long enough?  I wish someone would call me with an emergency or something.”  I eventually come to the realization that he’s still talking – something about his dumbass Mini Cooper (cool story, bro) – I pull out the awkward laugh.  This stupid giggle I do when I have NO IDEA what the hell just happened.  It’s super obvious, too.  How do they not see right through that?

2.  “Yeah, I’ll text you!” (NOT)

So here’s the part of the date where things get weird.  It’s finally the end of the date, THANK YA BABY JESUS, and I just want to get out of there as soon as humanly possible.  Before I can make an easy exit, he throws out the “We should hang out again.”  And I’m all like, “…Uhh yeah, sure!  I’ll text you!”  This is code for, “Yeah, right.  Please do not ever try to contact me again.”

3.  The Avoidance Method

After I blatantly stated that I would be the first person to send out the next line of communication, they do it first.  Did I not speak clearly enough?  Sheesh.  Here is when I go into straight “I refuse to answer you” mode.  If I don’t answer any of your texts; don’t favorite any of your tweets (that are obviously about me and you’re hoping that I’ll see them), and the big one – I don’t respond to any of your snapchats, knowing good and well that you can see that I’ve opened them, then maybe, or most definitely, I’m just not that into you!

Boys, if you’re reading, listen up:

It doesn’t mean that I don’t think you’re a nice guy, because you are!  And please don’t give me that crap about how nice guys always finish last and that girls only like douchebags, blah blah blah.  That theory is stupid.  I’m just not into you and that’s okay!  Now, please, PLEASE do us both a favor and go bother someone else and lose my number.

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What It’s Like to Date a Moscato Girl

I decided to ask my boyfriend to explain what it is like to date a moscato girl.  Here’s the some of the things he came up with:

1.  Picking her up off the street at 2:00 am…

when she’s covered in red velvet cake, crying over tacos, & stumbling around like a baby giraffe.

2.  Having her best friends know all of the intimate details about our sex life…

and yes, those tweets are about me.

3.  Eating Mexican food at least once a week…

because margaritas and queso make up 90% of her diet.

4.  Watching her make out with girls…

it’s kind of endearing actually.

5.  Letting her flirt with the bartender for free drinks…

because she’s pretty damn good at it.

6. Listening to her puke after one too many shots of vodka…

while she’s naked, crawling on the ground, and has mascara smeared all over face.

 7. Knowing that if you ever hurt her, you would face dire consequences…

such as 33,000 Twitter followers shunning you.

8. Drinking lots of wine…

more than the average guy at least.

9. Hanging out with all her friends…

because all they want to do is drink moscato, watch Netflix, and/or get blackout with each other.

10. Having the most amazing girlfriend…

I mean she is undeniably the best woman ever.

 

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The Culture of Dating

(Let me preface this by saying, I am not trying to give advice. I’m simply reporting on what I have found to be true and my own opinion of things.)

The growing epidemic of not going on “official dates”  is something that plagues twenty-somethings. According to Glamour magazine, 76% of women reported not having been on a real date in over a year. And other statistics don’t make me want to start signing up for OKCupid either. It only takes 15 minutes for a man to decide if he wants to go on a second date with a woman, if he doesn’t want to do a second date, he probably won’t be interested in finishing the first one politely (imagine him checking out other women or glancing at his phone often… ugh). Also, the chances of a man calling after the 24 hours of the first date is only 12% (does this 12% come after a few too many beers with his friends on the weekends…?) Before you start panicking and breathing into a paper bag while imagining a lonely life of cats and boxed wine, the ratio of single men to women in America is 86 to 100. Now you can panic.

Basically, dating is an important part of any relationship. Dates build a foundation help build up an emotional bond between two people. However, in the new era of Tinder, Grindr, and countless dating websites, dating has become a thing of the past. Men (boys) aren’t looking for love, they’re looking for something a less serious and more fun (da booty). I used Tinder for a while, but after several horrifying messages from a boy who seemed to think we were still stuck in the mid-2000s with his shaggy skater boy haircut and Vans, I decided that was one app I could do without.

So, how do women adjust to this new era of dating? Honestly, most of us Millennials probably did not get to experience a lot of dates in the traditional sense before this shift happened. I went on one blind date when I was 16 and it was awkward as fuck ( still scarred and will probably never do one of those again). I went on two or three other dates with boys I wasn’t dating before I got into a relationship. After that relationship ended, I hung out with boys, usually at their houses. If I’m not forgetting anything (and I know I’m not), my last official date was when I was 16.

I have to ask myself, what did 16 year old me know that 21 year old me does not? Five years ago, all of our dating apps did not exist and a majority of people didn’t even have smart phones. Enter “hook-up culture,” which Urban Dictionary defines as “the era that began in the early 1990s and has since prevailed on college campuses and elsewhere when hooking up has replaced traditional dating as the preferred method of liaison.” The new shift in the culture of dating involves late-night text messages and casual meet-ups at bars rather than planning dates. Instead of doing dinner and  a movie, Millennials have changed the culture of dating into something more casual and harder to read. It can be difficult for us Millennials to know where we stand with somebody in these times of hook-up culture. There has been almost a complete shift in the way dating happens; previously you would go on several dates and develop an emotional relationship before becoming intimate with each other. Now, couples generally have sex before deciding whether or not they want to get serious with each other on an emotional level.

Many older generations blame us for the changes in dating, believing our tendency for spontaneous and commitment free flings have led to the downfall of traditional dating. I would definitely agree that that belief is true but I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing. We’re living on the edge of a world being taken over by technology, it only makes sense that certain areas of our lives would shift to match the new technology that’s available to us so we utilize our apps, Facebook, and other social media sites in our hunt for men.

With that being said, men aren’t the only ones who can initiate a relationship (casual or serious). In general, older generations believed that men should be the one to make the first move. I’ve always believed women are just as capable of making the first move and it’s become more prevalent in today’s society than ever before. If you’re interested in a man, what’s stopping you from saying “Hey, let’s get drinks this weekend?” The worst thing that happens is he says no, but since you didn’t ask him on a real date, you can brush it off (hey, maybe the loss of traditional dating isn’t so bad anymore!). This new dating culture makes potential dates more approachable and takes the sting out of being rejected.

Ladies, we need to adjust our expectations of “dates” to the less appealing sounding “hanging out.” While it does suck that we probably won’t get to experience dates the same way our parents did, it’s exciting to be part of a new era of dating that fits our generation better. It’s sad to see a tradition like traditional dating thrown out the window but in our ever-changing world, modernizing our love lives and dating standards can only help us attain a new level of happiness and satisfaction. Casual hang outs are much better suited to modern society than dinner at an Italian restaurant where you’re forced to eat way less than you actually want to (which was the worst part of the few dates I’ve been on) and to feel the pressure of society’s idea of a perfect first date.

We need to accept that the opportunity for hanging out has become more ambiguous, men aren’t trying as hard to land dates. Many women take this as a sign of non-interest when it’s actually men trying to be more non-committal (because they are, after all, scared of rejection just like us). Neither young women nor young men have a lot of experience with the traditional idea of dating, so why are we all pressuring each other into dating that way?

FMGMoscato ladies, this is our chance to have fun! Our generation is settling down later in life, we have the opportunity to be casual and spontaneous in our twenties! Be realistic in your dating experiences, it’s worth knowing about the new dating/hook-up culture so you don’t have disappointments when your new cutie texts you later in the night to meet for drinks with friends instead of a one on one date with him.

Keep an open mind and have fun. Change is good; before traditional dating, people had arranged marriages. There is nothing wrong with the way our generation changed the culture of dating. While there are definitely guys out there who will knock on your door in a clean suit with a bunch of roses, there are also guys who will invite you over for whiskey and mac-n-cheese at 2 am.

 

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The Five Friends You Go Out With

Saturday night and it’s time to hit the town. Figure out which friend is in which category, and call the one that describes the kind of night you would like to have.

The Animal

This girl is nuts. She is always ready to go out at a moments notice. She really embodies the whole “go big or go home” saying. Going out with her guarantees you’re spending the next day in bed or the hospital nursing a hell of a hangover while she wakes up ready for round two. You’ve never seen her turn down a shot from a random or turn into a basket case of emotion. She drinks, she dances, she goes home, she goes to bed, she wake up and repeats.

The Social Butterfly

You almost expect people to start singing the Cheers theme song when she walks in She’s not paying covers because she’s friends with the bouncer. She’s not waiting in line to order drinks cause she knows the bartender. Everyone knows here and she seems to know all of them. Stick by her side for free drinks and an introduction to the hot baseball boys that seem to all be her best friends.

The Hot Mess Express

Like the Animal, this girl is always down to party. Unfortunately, the outcome is just never good. An hour at the bar and her makeup is running down her face. You’re not even sure what language she’s speaking at this point. Her only redeemable quality when it comes to drinking is that she really, really has learned to laugh at herself the next morning. There’s just no defense for laying down drunk in a restaurant, so she’s learned to beat everyone to the punch and make of herself.

The Mom

Everyone needs one. She’s the one who has googled whether there’s adult sized leashes so she can keep you within eye sight at the bar. The Mom doesn’t get too drunk too often, because she’s so busy worrying about you. Treasure this friend, God only knows what you could have gotten yourself into over the years. Also, get her drunk one night. Not only does she care for people like a mother, she gets drunk and loopy like a middle aged woman too.

The Emotional Drinker

Tequila + Breakups = Sobbing 20-somethings. This friend only really over does it when something happens in her life. It may be someone cheating, a bad grade, or just a crappy day. But whatever drinks she’s putting in to her body are sure to be coming right out her eyes in under an hour. Going out with her normally means you’ll spend half the night in the bar while she cries on the toilet. But whatever, that’s where great friendships are made.

Grab your bitches, get out, make bad decisions and embrace your roles in the group.

 

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