not into you

Relationships can be so annoying. But you know what’s even more annoying? Guys who don’t understand that you don’t want to be in a relationship with them. Actually, scratch that. You don’t even really want to be in the same room with them! We’ve all seen the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You. That whole entire movie is about girls who are throwing themselves at guys and how they should do a better job at reading the signs. Where’s the movie where guys get a lesson on reading the signs?!

I always get myself in to these situations where I’m not at all interested in the guy but I don’t know how to let him down gently. I always try to give them the most obvious signs, but for some reason, they never get it. Maybe I’m just being too nice? But I also don’t want to go all Regina George and be a complete bitch to them… But maybe I should. Here are the three insanely obvious clues that I give when I’m on a really sucky date with a really sucky guy.

1. The Awkward Laugh

I hate when I’m on a date with a guy and they just keep talking… about themselves, of course. All I can think in my head is, “So have I been here long enough? I wish someone would call me with an emergency or something.” I eventually come to the realization that he’s still talking – something about his dumbass Mini Cooper (cool story, bro) – I pull out the awkward laugh. This stupid giggle I do when I have NO IDEA what the hell just happened. It’s super obvious, too. How do they not see right through that?

2. “Yeah, I’ll text you!” (NOT)

So here’s the part of the date where things get weird. It’s finally the end of the date, THANK YA BABY JESUS, and I just want to get out of there as soon as humanly possible. Before I can make an easy exit, he throws out the “We should hang out again.” And I’m all like, “…Uhh yeah, sure! I’ll text you!” This is code for, “Yeah, right. Please do not ever try to contact me again.”

3. The Avoidance Method

After I blatantly stated that I would be the first person to send out the next line of communication, they do it first. Did I not speak clearly enough? Sheesh. Here is when I go into straight “I refuse to answer you” mode. If I don’t answer any of your texts; don’t favorite any of your tweets (that are obviously about me and you’re hoping that I’ll see them), and the big one – I don’t respond to any of your snapchats, knowing good and well that you can see that I’ve opened them, then maybe, or most definitely, I’m just not that into you!

Boys, if you’re reading, listen up:

It doesn’t mean that I don’t think you’re a nice guy, because you are! And please don’t give me that crap about how nice guys always finish last and that girls only like douchebags, blah blah blah. That theory is stupid. I’m just not into you and that’s okay! Now, please, PLEASE do us both a favor and go bother someone else and lose my number.