10 Things Every 20-Something Girl Should have in Her Apartment

If you don’t have all of these things, how are you surviving???

 

1.  A supply of alcohol at all times

olivia pope

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You never know when you’ll need a drink; it’s good to be prepared at all times. Whether it’s a single bottle of wine, a fridge full of beer, or vodka in the freezer, make sure it is there.

2. Wine accessories

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We love our wine.  It’s not a good feeling to want a glass of wine and realize you don’t have a corkscrew.  A wine opener and foil cutter should get you by. If you want to get fancy, invest in a Rabbit wine opener. Get yours here . I promise you’ll love it.

 3. Pictures of your friends, family, & boo thang

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Fill your home with pictures, they will instantly make your place feel cozy. When you glance upon that picture from a night out with your best friend, your mood will instantly be lifted. Frame some pics and you’re sure to smile.

 4. Wifi & Netflix

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Netflix is an important part of a 20-something’s life. Let’s be real, it makes up like 50% of our day. A router and computer/Wii/phone/Xbox. That’s all you need to feed your addiction.

5. A comfy bed

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Good sleep and good sex make for a happy girl. A comfortable bed can make all your dreams come true.

6. Candles

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Being a 20-something girl is stressful. Boys, being poor, and our love-hate relationships with carbs can get us all wound up. Candles are necessary to combat this. They smell good and make you relax, especially if you pair them with a bubble bath.

7. Coffee Maker

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Caffeine gets us through the day until we can have our wine. A coffee maker is a cheaper option than grabbing Starbucks everyday (save your money for the liquor store).

8. A way to please yourself

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Whether it’s a boy or a toy, we all need a little sexual activity. It’s healthy and fun. So stock your apartment with one or the other, or even both.

9. Notebook

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Journaling and/or jotting down your ideas can be both soothing and productive. Head over to Target or TJ Maxx and pick up a cute little notebook and start scribbling.

 10. Sex and the City: The Pink Book

sexcitypinkbooksex and the cityCarrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda. Any 20-something girl should be able to recognize these names. Nothing compares to watching Carrie chase after Big and listening to Samantha’s inappropriate puns. Pour yourself a glass of wine, pull out your Pink Book, and you are set for the night. Get yours here .

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Signs You’ve Conquered Your College Town

It’s the time of year again when you have to say goodbye to your one true love, your college town. You’ve had your fights this year, but she always makes it up to you with penny pitchers and $3 margaritas. Wherever you spend your summer isn’t going to be half as exciting as college. But when you come back in the Fall, it’s going to be a shitshow. Plus you get to intimidate all the new freshman with how fun and funny you are. You’ll show them who actually runs your town.

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You Have A Set Drinking Schedule

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You know the Happy Hours at every bar and you know what time is the best to arrive. You have an established rotation of places to stop by every night of the week and it’s an unsaid agreement that it is where you and all your friends will be meeting for dinner (drinks).

You Even Have Your Own Table At Your Favorite Restaurant

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It’s Thursday evening. Class is out for the weekend, and it’s time for margs and queso. You roll in to your favorite mexican place at exactly 5:45, just like every other week. The hostess already has your menus and your table empty. So what if your seat are in the back away from everyone. That just means your drunk yelling and laughing isn’t disturbing anyone. And if it is… they can go somewhere else. This is your place.

The Bouncers Know You

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Lines to get in the bar? Bar lines are the perfect opportunity to remind everyone else that it’s your world and they are just living in it. A bouncer looking at your ID and smirking before waving you in is probably my second favorite feeling in the world. That wave into the bar by the bouncer without even flashing your ID is the actual best.

The Bartenders Know Your Order

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It’s one thing for a bouncer to know you. It’s boring outside and you’re probably talking to him to make sure your underage friends get in. But when the person you scream “TEQUILA” at can recognize you from the sea of faces yelling the same thing, you know you have made it.

You Know The Late Night Fast Food Workers

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Everyone jokes about drunk munchies, but you’re not a regular at a fast food restaurant until the night workers know you. My friends met one night manager, drunkenly got his number, and dealt with his weird texts messages for months. But now they’re such great friends they’ll stop by after the bar and he’ll bring them out bags of fries and chicken nuggets. If you don’t think that’s impressive then you probably don’t appreciate a good time or a good drunken McDonald’s binge.

You Drunk Wander Responsibly

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Don’t be ashamed of your constant habits of ditching your friend to go on a solo adventure for a little while, it makes for the best stories. It doesn’t matter where you are or who you’re with. If you want to get yourself home, you can do it. You’ve been around long enough that you could make it from your favorite bar to your house on your hands and knees (not like that has ever happened to anyone I know). If you want to meet up with your friends again, you will miraculously find them.

You’ve Accepted That Drinking Is A Marathon, Not A Sprint

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Because once you accept that, you’re life turns into a nine month bender. Margs an hour before class? Sure! Wine the night before a test? Okay! And instead of failing, you’ve learned to excel when drunk. In fact, your highest grades on papers probably come from nights when you down a bottle of wine and start thinking deeply about the meaning behind a textbook your professor has probably never opened. Hey, it worked for Hemingway.

So just remember, ladies: even though graduation is scary, that piece of paper means that you you kicked ass for four (five?) years.  And more importantly, the drunk injuries, the assholes, and the MIP’s didn’t break you. So drink up, you deserve it!

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Freshman You vs Senior You

You grow. You learn. You do a lot of sh*t you swore you would never do. Things change quite a bit the four years you spend in college.

1.  Freshman You:  “I’m such a grown up”

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Senior You:  “I don’t want to be a grownup.”

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2.  Freshman You:  “I need friends.”

be my friend

Senior You:  “I wish I could still walk through campus without seeing someone I know.”

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3.  Freshman You:  “Frat Parties are cool, right? …I need a Fake ID.”

not cool enough

Senior You:  “This town is my bitch. Who wants free drinks?”

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4.  Freshman You:  “I’m going to get my dream job right out of college, and I’m going to be awesome.”

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Senior You:  “I’ll take any job. Someone just hire me, PLEASE.”

get what you get

5.  Freshman You:  “I’m going to buy every textbook, and make As in every class. ”

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…and then you go to class.

understand nothing

Senior You:  “Cs get degrees.”

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6.  Freshman You:  “Got into the bar with my fake ID… I’m so mature for my age.”

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Senior You:  “Ew. 18 & up tonight? We don’t.”

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7.  Freshman You:  “New school. Mature college guys. A boyfriend will be mine in no time.”

real love

Senior You:  “You know what’s better than a boyfriend? Everything.”

no boyfriend

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8.  Freshman You:  Goes out every night. Dresses sexy on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, ThursdayFridaySaturdaySunday.

look sexy for guys

Senior You: “But if we stay in, we don’t have to wear pants.”

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9.  Basically… Freshman Year:

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Senior You:

love life going nowhere

 

And to any undergrad who says they’re ready to graduate… all you have to say to them is this:

stay as long as you can

Because the real world awaits… and it’s scary.

real world

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Images do not belong to FMGMoscato. Click images for source.

11 Pieces of Advice for College Seniors from a College Grad

1. Focus on your relationships that will last past college.

Whether it’s your best friend, boyfriend, sibling, mom, or mentor, make sure to invest in the relationships that you know can withstand the end of college. You probably will never get to spend as much time with them again, so make sure to take advantage of it.

2. Say no to FOMO.

Every night seems like the best night ever, especially if you missed out on it. Don’t worry, if you are  a fun person, you can make any night great.

3. Document, but don’t over do it

Pictures are  great for being able to look back and cherish good memories. Some people often get too carried away, mostly snapping pictures for the sake of showing them off on social media rather than for personal use. So take some pictures, especially ones that are special too you. But don’t go overboard, you’ll end up missing out on the actual fun.

4. Do the senior things

Senior bar golf. Senior dinners. Ceremonies, speeches, etc. Go to them. This is the only time you’ll ever be able to go during your whole life, so you might as well go do them.  If they’re lame you can always bail.

5. Skip class occasionally.

It’s great for the heart and the soul and your hangover. Just don’t tank your GPA.

6. Enjoy knowing how everything works in your school and your college town.

Sooner than you know, you’ll be navigating a new scary world known as post-grad life. Cherish the fact that you know all the best bar specials, which floor of the library is best to study on, and which restaurant makes the best brunch.

7. Stay in (some).

Many times I’ve had as much fun staying in as I’ve had going out. This may mean a Netflix marathon by yourself, getting drunk with your best friends in the comfort of your own home, or cuddling with the boo thang. All of it is great.

8. Don’t actively pursue a new relationship.

Why start a new relationship when you both will be moving to separate parts of the state (or even country)?  Remember how you came to college still dating your high school bf? Yeah, that probably didn’t work out and neither will this.

9. Don’t burn bridges.

Don’t fight with anyone right as the year is ending. There’s no point of making enemies with someone you probably wouldn’t talk too after college anyway. Avoid the drama, you don’t need to let it follow you out of college.

10. Be thankful.

Be thankful for your friends that got you through that bad breakup. Be thankful for the professor that inspired you. Be thankful for your parents’ emotional and often times financial support.

11. Say goodbye.

You’re going to graduate next May. I’m sorry to tell you that. I know it hurts, but it’s going to happen. You’ll have to move on. You can’t stay in a college mindset forever. You’ve got to start the next phase of your life – adulthood. Pretty scary, but it’ll be hard if your heart is stuck in your college town. So cherish your memories forever, and say goodbye. ( it’s not like you can’t ever go back and visit.)

Now go have the best time ever.

 
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Snapchat Weekly Round-up

In between doing nothing at my internship and getting obsessed with the Divergent series (I take back every negative thing I ever said about Tris Prior/dystopian novels), we received TONS hilarious snapchats from y’all!

One of the things that helped me get through this last week of hell at my internship was all of the snapchats you Moscato girls sent! Nothing made my morning better than getting videos of you girls bonging beers at 11 am. Here are some of our favorites from this past week!

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Hero. Let me know how it went.

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This looks like lots of fun but the hangover was probably devastating.

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Sass level: expert.

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Casual.

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Who actually runs in Nike shoes anyway? We all buy them because they’re cute, not functional.

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That’s usually what I’m saying after half a day on a diet.

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Practice safe drinking.

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That sounds like a perfect Tuesday night to me!

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Now I know what Canadian money looks like .

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Apparently, everybody had a really good Tuesday night. I think it should be the new Friday.

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*crying laughing emoji* x 100

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At least your boobs look awesome.

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That looks more satisfying than actual dick though, tbh.

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Yonce is our spirit animal.

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Poor people problems, yes. But also, PBR was the first beer I ever drank so I actually kind of like it.

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That’s usually the sequence of events for me, too.

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Necessity.

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This little guy played with the vodka bottle in the world’s cutest videos ever. I think he had more fun with vodka than I do.

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Perfect breakfast.

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Move-In day requires multiple bottles of wine.

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Just remember what your old pal said, you’ve got a friend in Fran.

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Why does this sound like the most delicious wine ever?

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Are you still alive? I’m worried about you.

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Karen Walker would be so proud.

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Ben and Jerry are a close second to my favorite man, Jack.

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Favorite time of day!
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Since I usually lose/rip/break my shoes and clothing when I’m drunk, this actually is my dream closet.

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I hope you madeout with his beautiful makeoutable lips.

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I’m trying to think of something to say to make you feel better but I really can’t except at least your phone didn’t die sometime during the night.

This week’s snapchats were definitely some of our favorites! Keep ’em coming, add fmgmoscato on snapchat!

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Stop with the LPM and FOMO Shit, PLEASE

Let me rant.

I am so sick of “FOMO” and “LPM” and people caring so damn much about what others think of their lives.

LPM: likes per minute. This is one of the latest ways girls drive themselves fucking psycho over stupid shit on social media.

STAHHHHP.

Is this an actual calculation? Do some women really watch their instagram and count their average number of likes per minute??

You know what you could be doing other than comparing how many likes you got on an Instagram post? You could actually enjoy yourself, instead of taking pictures pretending to enjoying yourself. We all know you’re just trying to make others jealous of your life, and you look pathetic.

My GOD women. The reason FOMO, or “fear of missing out,” exists is because of shit like caring about your LPM.

The following suggestion is for your own sanity. If you get anxiety over how many likes per minute you get on an Instagram picture or Facebook post, it’s time to take a break from social media.

I’m serious. Delete your account or sign out for a while, and learn to have a good time again without having to show people that you’re having a good time.

Remember what it was like a few years ago, when you couldn’t upload pictures to Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter during a party?? Remember having to take your Canon point and shoot home, edit the pictures, and then upload them to social media?

Well I thought THAT was stressful. Now we have to prove to people we’re having a good time WHILE we’re having a good time. And we need their recognition with a “like?” It fucking sucks.

And whyyyyyy do we waste time taking pictures before we’re drunk, unless we’re in front of some baller ass monument or scenic view?

There is nothing cute about you and your friend standing in front of a couch in a frat house or a bathroom stall, with your arm propped on your hip, and a half-ass smile. You’re just trying to make the world believe your life is perfect. You drink on Tuesdays. You’re stress-free. You have friends.

We all have good times, bad times, and weird drunk times in between.

Show me an unattractive pic of you and your friend stuffing your face with waffles at 3 a.m. and maybe I’ll get over this and shut up.

But if I see one more person blog or tweet or post about the stress that comes from worrying about your “LPM” I’m going to hack every social media site, and shut them down.

I don’t actually have the ability to do that. But PLEASE get over yourself, and have fun.

Go have a good time with friends. I dare you not to take a picture.

Snapchat Weekly Round-up Pt. 3

This post is a little late due to a semi-hectic weekend!

Hey beautiful ladies! It looks like we all survived another work week. We hope your weekend is full of wine, bad decisions, and bagels to cure your awful hangovers!

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Lol @ this guy.

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Don’t forget to buckle those beauties in for a safe ride.

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You have to get your daily dose of vitamins and minerals somehow.

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Sometimes you just have to lay down on the floor before you realize how drunk you are.

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“It’s 8 inches”

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Somebody had a fun night. Better safe than sorry!

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Funny, they always seem to end up in my drinks, too.

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Perfect post-workout! Or you can avoid the workout like I do and just go straight for the refuel.

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Why don’t more places do this?

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Man’s best friend meets girl’s best friend.

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If I could drink on Mondays, I would. Keep it up, girl!

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Bridesmaids doesn’t have shit on these two. Well done, ladies.

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This snapchat inspired me to eat pizza bagels for dinner for three nights in a row. Thank you, Moscato girl.

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Looks more like 3 gallons of fun to me!

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Okay but what about the cute little puppy sleeping like an angel?

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Not enough wine.

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Pink Panty Dropper turns an occasion from casual party to drunken chaos. We approve.

We’re loving all of your snaps, Moscato girls! We know it’s almost time to go back to school (we’re beyond excited, too) and we can’t wait to see what you girls get yourselves into! Keep snapping: fmgmoscato! Happy Monday, y’all!

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Signs You’ve Found Your People

Freshman year of college I had a roommate who’s first question after our parents left was if I wanted to go to Coldstone. We talked about ex boyfriends and our drunkest nights in high school like we knew each other for years. She’s pulled me out of parties when I’m too drunk, brought me Panera when I’m too hungover to see the sun, and as college went on we gathered a bigger group of people just like us. People who like Mexican food, black out on a Tuesday night, or drink a 1.5 liter bottle of wine while casually Netflixing. A summer away from them made me realize my school family might just be my soulmates.

Did you all think of different friends as you read that? We all have a few people that we can’t imagine life without for obvious reasons, as well as some under appreciated habits.

They Allow You To Bitch About Boys Who’ve Wronged You

Whether it’s the boy you met on Spring Break who called you his dream girl and never called again or your douchey high school boyfriend, they’ve listened to you complain about it for a period of time way longer than what is acceptable. Without them, the amount of drunk phone calls you’d send out would be 6 times higher.

They Know Your Taco Bell Order

This is possibly the most underrated sign of friendship. It means they listen to you all the time and probably actually care what your saying, even if it’s half english yelled through an intercom. Cause think about it, how much would it suck if your friends didn’t know exactly how you like your fajita’s at 2 a.m.? Especially when your laying in the backseat crying, laughing, too drunk to speak, etc.

They Have Your iPhone Password

For all of us that would rather tattoo our social security number to our foreheads than let anyone see what’s in our phone, this is basically a marriage proposal. From the hidden texts, facebook messages, pictures, and phone calls, anyone looking through your phone has to already unconditionally love you.

They Know and Match Your Alcohol Preferences 

Oh, no more Corona’s? They’ll come in with Bud Light Lime bottles cause cans gross both of you out. You texted them saying that the guy from last night is in your Econ class and now you have to teach yourself what a demand curve is. Thank God one of these bitches has to have extra Moscato somewhere in their apartments.

Being Pantless Around Them is the Normal

In fact, you might have seen them naked more times than you’ve seen yourself. Their house is your house, in the fact that taking your shirt off the minute you get inside just to relax in your sports bra doesn’t even get a weird side glance anymore.

No Matter How Long You Were Apart, Reunions Look The Same

The minute you walk out the doors of work or class you’re on the phone asking what they’re doing and if they want to get food (drinks) somewhere. That is, if you weren’t already furiously typing plans in your group chat behind your desk or in the bathroom. Seeing any of their faces is enough to brighten up your day. Whether it’s four hours, four days, four weeks, or four months, you always have stories to catch up on.

You’ve Become a Package Deal

The most obvious one. People just start texting one of you and figure it will get relayed through a chain of group messages. When you shows up without the others, the first question everyone has is if they’re alright. “Yeah, she just decided to do Edward 40-hands by herself last night and hasn’t come back from the dead yet.”

Impulse Buys Are Never Dumb

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“Do it for the story” is the rallying call of your friends. Whether it’s concert tickets, road trips, or Target splurges, the money is almost always worth it with someone next to you. If it’s not an inflatable children’s pool to store your beer in, it’s a floating palm tree cooler for the three days a semester you get to go to the pool, or $20 tickets to a One Direction concert. When your bank account is empty at the end of the week, it’s kind of nice to have someone in the same boat. And it’s a little less weird carrying an inflatable Hello Kitty baby pool out of the store when someone else is helping.

Telepathy is Your Own Secret Language

That look you give them never changes. but it’s meanings are endless. Only people who have seen you at your best and loved you at your worst can read an eyebrow twitch and know whether your pissed, happy, or concerned about the lack of alcohol at the party.

They Endorse Your Awful Decisions

Anyone can laugh at your funny drunk stories, pick you up when your drunk, or know you don’t like any sauce with your 10 piece chicken nugget. What makes your group of friends the best? Their willingness to let you egg a cheater’s car. Or the non-questioning you get when you lay on your couch drinking from a bag of wine for three hours on a Monday. The worst parts of you are made better by the best parts of them. Because you’d do anything for them and they’d do the same. And in the end, aren’t we all just a big screwed up family?

Single as F***

If you couldn’t tell by any of my previous posts, I’m single as f***. Like, the most single girl to ever single (pretty sure one of you ladies coined that term.)

a;wayus singe

Not only am I single as f***, my two closest and best friends are as well. We’ve gone through a solid 5+ year period all single with the same attitude “F*** boys and feelings.”

500 days

Five years ago we were all bitter about failed relationships but now we’re in our twenties with the mindset of having fun and being casual — if that means giving up the serious boyfriend expectations that our parents/families/elders expect from us, then so be it.

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A relationships takes a lot of work; you have another whole human being with real feelings and emotions that you have to care for and worry about.

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I’m going to be very honest: I am too selfish and self-obsessed to take on another person’s feelings, insecurities, damages, and problems.

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I have enough of those on my own, I don’t need the added weight of somebody else’s family problems, stress about their future or taking care of a drunken manchild who tries to fight people when he’s had one too many (why are boys so stupid?)

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As cliche as it sounds, I am still trying to figure out who I am, what I want, what I believe and all of those other important things you discover when you really start to grow up.

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A boyfriend is just one more complication I don’t need in my life, that’s why I’m single as f***. I’m not unhappy about being single and I’m not trying to find a boyfriend. I like being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want (like making out with tall boys with long hair at the bar. Okay I’ve never done that, but if I see one I will pounce.)

snooki

Recently, both of my friends have caught the love-bug, it seems. One has been seriously hanging out with a boy who seems to have no flaws yet (I will find them) and the other is crushing on her co-worker ( stop.)

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So in my typical, anti-relationship behavior, I have been telling them they should stop/it’s a bad idea. I mean, what am I going to do if my partners in crime both get boyfriends?

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Probably take a bottle of Jose to the head and eat a pint of B&J’s Half Baked. Or I will convince them to hook me up with their boys’ hot friends when I am drunk.

drunk bff

I love my friends and I want them to be happy, but because I am the selfish person I am, I want us to keep being the feeling-avoiding, alcohol-drinking, bad-decision-making amigos that we have always been.

noone

I read somewhere that every time you get into a relationship you lose an average of two close friends. So if I stay single and my two BFFs get into relationships, what is going to happen? (Any philosophy majors out there? Help!)

single

“I love being single,” is almost a surefire way to tell if a girl is actually miserably trying to console herself with the fact that she is single by acting like it’s not that bad. In the least self-deprecating way, I do like being single. I have me time all the time, and let’s face, I am my favorite person.

I’m not heartless or cold, I just don’t have time to worry about another human being in the capacity that having a serious relationship requires.

Real boys will fail me, but I can always count on Jack, Jose, Ben and Jerry to get me through anything that comes my way.

I have my best friends and I have my Moscato girls. What else do I need?

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*Not all images belong to FMGMoscato, click each picture for source!

Am I The Only One Who’s Not Engaged?

feminist rants

I have a serious question for all of you:  Am I the only one in the universe who isn’t in a relationship, pregnant, or getting married this weekend?  This past Sunday, I woke up and logged onto my social media accounts (as always).  When I got onto Facebook, I was bombarded with announcement after announcement after announcement.  Pretty sure I saw two albums of couples on vacations at the beach, three birthday announcements of children under 2 years old, an engagement, two ultrasound pictures, and tagged photos of three DIFFERENT people at three DIFFERENT weddings.  Did I forget a partridge and a pear tree?

everyone looks so happy

I guess you could say that I’m going through relationship overload – And I’m not even the one in a relationship.  Don’t get me wrong; I absolutely love love, babies, and weddings, but geez.  All of it just makes me feel a little overwhelmed when everyone is experiencing these life changing events, and I’m at home on a Saturday night watching Pitch Perfect and drinking beer.  (I’m not kidding – that’s really what I did last weekend).

lesbihonest

I feel like this exclusive club just opened up and I’m not invited.  This must be how the unicorns felt when they didn’t get a spot on Noah’s Ark.  And do we see any of those guys running around?  I think not.  Is there an important meeting going on where you’re only allowed to come if you have a marriage license?  Someone please inform me because I feel like I missed the memo.

I'm always single

It’s so funny how much your life changes when you get out of a relationship.  Less than two months ago, I was dating a guy who I thought I was going to marry.  I thought I was locked down; that I was good to go for the rest of eternity; that I had found “my lobster.”  (You guys know that episode of Friends where Phoebe explains to everyone that Rachel is Ross’s lobster, right?  Seriously, if you don’t know what I’m talking about – go watch it!)

shes your lobsterold lobster couples

 

 

 

 

holding claw     you're my lobster

Anyways, I remember one of my single co-workers talking about how they felt like “they were behind” and that everyone was at least dating someone except her.  I was like “nooo, you’re not behind.  Everything happens when it’s supposed to happen.”  Typical girl-in-a-relationship response, right?  Now that I’m single, I can’t even practice what I preach.

die alone

So, am I really behind?  I know that all of you single ladies out there can vouch for me and tell me that you’ve thought this at least a couple of times in your life.  In the middle of a Sex and the City marathon and one of my crazy meltdowns, I heard the quote that explained everything:

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships.  There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back.  But the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.  And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

yes

Damn, that Carrie Bradshaw knows her shit, doesn’t she?  I’m pretty sure that someone else has told me some version of this exact same quote before, (probably my best friend or my mom, but they have to say that kind of stuff to me because they’re my best friend and my mom), but when Carrie Bradshaw says it?  It’s like, law.  So, here I am; I’m not your best friend nor your mother, and I’m telling you the exact same thing.  Focus on yourself and love yourself first.

strong confident princess

I’m in the exact same boat as you are – single as a dollar bill, trying to navigate this crazy, unpredictable life and searching for my place in the world.  But instead of trying to figure out why I don’t have an intense beach photoshoot with my beau plastered all over Facebook, I think I’ll just worry about what I’m having for dinner tonight.  Some guy will come along eventually, fall out of his mind in love with me, and eat Chipotle with me every single week.  Until then, I guess that bottle of Barefoot Moscato is my lobster.

cheers

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