It’s Time To Go Back To Your College Town

Summer is great, we all know that. But it really can’t compare to the feeling of moving back into your apartment or sorority with your best friends. Summer is fun for the first two months and then July rolls around and we’re ready to get out of our hometowns, be done with our internships and head back to the place we really call home; our beautiful campuses. I’ve almost checked out of my internship completely (you’re all lying if you say you haven’t) and I have a countdown until I can move into my new apartment. Here are some reasons why it’s time to go back to school:

1. Wearing Norts all day, every day

2. Football season

3. Tailgating

4. Waking up at 5 am for tailgating and breakfast club.

5. Your favorite bartender misses you

6. The bouncers who hate you miss the entertainment they get from laughing at your drunk ass

7. Skipping class to watch Netflix

8. Your fuck buddy

9. Having sex

10. House parties

11. Fraternity parties

12. Your regular table at the local Mexican restaurant misses you

13. Seeing your friends everyday

14. Being able to walk to your classes

15. Your school’s gym/rec center

16. Visiting your friends at other schools

17. You actually miss going to class

18. Fall ( every girl in the history of the world loves Fall more than most things, don’t lie to yourself)

19. Pumpkin Spice Lattes (I’ve never actually had one but I know they’re right behind Karkov as the official drink of college girls)

20. Hearing the song “I Love College” seven hundred and fifty thousand times

21. Two Dollar Tuesdays

22. Cheap alcohol at the bars (Dollar shots, anyone?)

23. Wearing sweaters and boots and looking identical to every other girl on campus. But it’s okay because we all look amazing in them

24. Cute single boys everywhere

25. Getting new school supplies and clothes (because we’re all still 16 at heart)

26. Free condoms at the health center. Seriously, they just give them to you

27. Going dark with your hair for fall and winter #brunettepower

28. Drinking on Mondays. Or Tuesdays. Or  Wednesdays

29. Basically being able to drink whenever you want

30. Seriously, even on Sundays

31. Your favorite campus restaurant and all their delicious food

32. Watching the freshmen wander around with the lost look on their faces

33. Watching freshmen attempt to get into the campus bars with their fake IDs

34. The bathroom line in bars

35. Making new friends in the bathroom line

36. Actually getting an A after studying your ass off for a hard exam

37. Spending hours in the library studying, so you can go to the bar later, of course

38. The Nearly Naked Mile (every school does those, right?)

39. Homecoming Week

40. Going back to school means you’re one month closer to TomorrowWorld (if any of you FMGM girls are going, let me know!)

41. Not actually getting carded because the bouncers know who you are

42. Waking up with smeared bar stamps on your arms

43. Octobongs and keg stand

44. Porchin. The ultimate college hobby

45. Being surrounded by thousands of people who all love your school as much as you do

Let’s all take a moment of silence for how perfect our schools are. Start your countdowns, ladies. We’ll all be back where we belong before we know it!

(A special thanks to all of my beautiful, drunk friends for letting me use their pictures for this post!)

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The 5 Shots You Need To Try Now

Ever walked up to the bar to order a good shot and came away with a gross dollar shot? If you’re looking for some fun, new shots that won’t make you want to vom after taking them, look no further. The shots on this list are delicious, you won’t even taste the alcohol in them!

Blow Pop

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This sweet shot will remind you of your favorite childhood snack! It tastes just like an actual Blow Pop sucker and goes down sweet. You’ll be ordering rounds of these all night long.

What’s in it: Raspberry vodka, sweet and sour mix, Blue Curacao, grenadine

When you should drink it: A night of celebrating America! Fourth of July is coming up and this red, white and blue shot is sure to be a hit at your ‘Murica Bash!

Alien Brain Hemorrhage

Don’t let the name of this shot scare you away! The different alcohols in this shot don’t mix, creating a crazy mixture that looks like an alien with a head wound.

What’s in it: Peach Schnapps, Bailey’s, Blue Curacao, and grenadine.

When you should drink it: When you’re feeling adventurous! This shot has a strange texture because of the Bailey’s so don’t let that surprise you.

Pineapple Upside Down

This shot will make you feel like fancy, mature adult in a cool cocktail bar instead of a college student with a fake ID in a crowded bar.

What’s in it: Vanilla vodka, Pineapple juice, and grenadine

When you should try it: A night out with the girls! You and your friends will be obsessed with this drink that tastes so much like a fancy dessert.

Birthday Cake

Birthday cake shots are easy enough to make at home, with just two ingredients! Rub a lemon around the rim of the shot, dip into sugar (bonus: get colored sugar to brighten up your glass), add the liquor and voila!

Whats in it: Vanilla Vodka and Frangelico

When you should try it: To celebrate 21st birthdays! The birthday girl can get her cake on without having to consume crazy amounts of frosting!

Pickle/Pickleback

We know what you’re thinking! But trust us, this shot is actually delicious. We all love fried pickles and beer, this shot combines the best of both worlds! You can either mix the alcohol and pickle juice in a shot glass or chase the alcohol with the pickle juice!

Whats in it: Pickle juice and vodka!

When you should try it: Whenever you’re channeling your inner Snooki and craving pickles!

We’re always on the lookout for more, delicious shots! Tweet at us or comment below what your favorite shots are!

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Bars: Expecation vs. Reality

The bars seem like a magical place. You imagine them full of interesting people, good music and delicious drinks. The reality of bars is that they’re not the fairytale you think they are. They’re over-crowded, expensive, and dirty. And please – in what world would you use a bar bathroom soberly?

Here’s the expectations vs. reality.

1.It’s going to be fun

Expectation: As you curl your hair and blend your smoky eye to perfection, you imagine how much fun you and your friends are going to have. You start pregaming with shots and dancing to the playlist specially made for going out. You’re ready to continue the fun at the bars and you head out the door with a big crowd of friends and people who randomly showed up at your apartment throughout the night. As soon as you walk into the bar, everyone stares and they know that you’re someone they should know. Your crowd is the most fun group at the bar; taking shots, dancing, and making new friends.

Reality: Your pregame consists of you, your best friend, and one or two other friends. They’re the ones you always end up going out with. You force down several shots and leave half-sober, hoping you don’t miss the drunk bus (like you do every time you go out) and have to wait another half hour to get to the bars. When you get to the bar, the crowd is four deep and it takes you twenty minutes to get a drink, which spills on you almost immediately from being bumped into. Half your groups gets separated and you spend most of your time trying to find them, after which you’ll move onto the next bar where the same thing will happen again.

2. You’re going to meet a cute guy

Expectation: You walk into the bar and immediately spot a tall, dark, handsome stranger. You give him the eyes as you sip your drink and wait for him to make his way over. When he finally does, you have an intelligent conversation with him and find out he loves House of Cards, you even had a class together last semester! He makes you laugh without trying to hard and offers to buy you a drink. You continue your conversation until your friends drag you away to the next bar but not before he politely asks for you number. He gets your first AND last name and texts you the next day offering to take you out to brunch.

Reality: All of the boys at the bar are clad in Sperrys, button-ups and are surrounded by their frat bros. None of them will make eyes with you, none of them will intelligently converse with you. If you’re unlucky enough, they will weirdly hit on you and buy you a drink. After which, you will have an awkward conversation with them before you try to sneak away quickly. They will creepily come up behind you on the dance floor and start grinding on you, ew. You will feel slightly dirty and disappointed. The chances of meeting your dream guy at the bar are almost less than zero, don’t go for the boys.

3. You’re going to try new, delicious drinks.

Expectation: Cosmos and martini’s are the standard college drink. As you sip on your cocktail, you’re transported back to a time when Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly ruled the screens. You’re a classy, well-dressed woman who attracts the attention of all the gentlemen in the room.

Reality: Double wells and dollar draft beers are all you will drink at the bars. You might get fancy and have a specialty beer, but more than likely you’ll slam disgusting dollar shots all night long, which you will end up puking up later. Flavored LITs are cheap and chalk-full of alcohol, one and you will be slightly buzzed, you’ll order another because the cheap flavoring covers the 4 different types of alcohol in the drink. This cycle will continue until your friends have to carry you home after 4 of LITs. God be with you if you mix the dollar shots, double wells, and LITs. Drink the cheap drinks while you can, college specials are great for poor students and won’t last long after you graduate!

The bars can be a fun place if you’re with the right people, the bars can be fun if you’re drunk enough. But mostly it’s your attitude going to them, get in the mindset to have fun and you will have fun no matter what you do!

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Exercise for Girls Who Hate Working Out

We all have those moments.

The ones when you realize that you’re out of shape and you need to do something about it. You’re like:

But then you’re like, this sucks. I hate this. And it’s back to Netflix and cookies for you. However there are a few sneaky, fun ways you can get some exercise without a trip to the gym, so don’t lose hope.

1. Bar-hopping in heels

Walking in heels not only burns calories, but also works out your calf muscles and improves your balance skills. Being drunk is the best time to wear heels, as you won’t even notice the pain. Just be warned: alcohol + heels = drunk bruises.

2. The Tan & Swim

We all love a good tan, but laying out for awhile can get sweaty. This is actually good, as sweating releases toxins. Get in the sun and start sweating all the tequila out of your body from this past weekend’s drunken adventures. Hop into the pool when you get too hot, swim around, and burn some calories. Caution: Put on some sunscreen. The whole lobster look isn’t attractive and neither is the thought of skin cancer.

3. The liquor store run

This is where your alcoholism is a good thing. Run into the liquor store and go crazy. Carrying 3 handles of vodka and a box of wine up your apartment stairs is a great arm workout. Bonus points: park far away from the store and burn some extra calories so you can drink more tonight.

4. Dancing

Drunk girls love to dance, whether they are good at it or not. Don’t be shy. Grab yourself a cran vodka from the bar and get out on the dance floor (just be careful not to spill your drink on somebody).  Hey, you can even get your dance on when you’re wine drunk at home. You’ll burn a good amount of calories. Bonus points for dropping it to the floor, it’s basically like doing squats.

5. The hot guy with a puppy

…

“Woah!” is right. There’s nothing more appealing than a hot guy with a puppy, except for maybe mac and cheese. Go play with that puppy. You’ll burn calories running around, get your daily dose of cute, and maybe even score a new hookup.

6. And of course…sex

 No explanation necessary.

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How to Make Your Inappropriate Hobbies Seem Appropriate

“What are your hobbies?”

“What do you do in your free time?”

These are my least favorite questions to answer during an interview.  Immediately when I’m asked those questions,  images of tequila shots, Netflix, and food pop into my head.  I usually answer  with whatever generic responses I can come up with at the moment. “I like to read” (I go to college, I have no time to read for pleasure). “I enjoy hiking” (I go hiking twice a year at best).

I’ve decided that instead of making up things, I can just relabel my interview inappropriate pastimes so that I’m technically telling the sort of truth.

So here is my guide to making your bad habits seem like acceptable hobbies.

1.  “I enjoy exercising” aka “I love sex“

I don’t like the gym. I don’t like to go.  I don’t like to exercise.  (Good for everyone who does) I do, however, enjoy one particular form of exercise and that would be sex. If you’re burning calories, it counts, right? Throw your legs up in the air and now you’re doing yoga.  So, yes, Mr. Interview Person, I loveeeee to exercise.

2.  “I love to cook” aka “I like to drunkenly microwave Easy Mac at 2 am”

The kitchen and I don’t really get along that well. I don’t like to cook, because I’m too lazy and I also suck at it.  I can cook two things: mac & cheese and leftovers.  You can usually find me in the kitchen either when I’m drunk and starving or hungover and dying.  I’m basically a gourmet chef.

3. “I love exploring my city” aka “BAR HOPPING”

When I explore the streets of our  downtown, its usually between the hours of 12:00 AM – 3:00 AM and I’m under the influence of wine and/or vodka.  Usually on a Thursday night, you can find me in my high heels stumbling around from bar to bar. Just call me Dora the Drunken Explorer.

4. “I’m a huge film fanatic” aka “I’m addicted to Netflix”

I love movies and TV, but you’re probably not going to catch me watching some fancy black & white classic film every night.  You’ll find me in bed, staying up too late, binge watching Grey’s Anatomy, and later having dreams about McDreamy & McSteamy.

So . . .  to all the people that will interview me someday:

Because  I’m fucking awesome. 

 

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