Being Single Is Awesome… Seriously.

I’m single, and I’m happy. Believe it or not, that is possible.

I’m sure all the happy single ladies out there know what I’m talking about. Tell a couple, or a lonely single person that you’re happy doing your own thing, and you get looks as though those words you say out loud are lies you whisper to yourself late at night as you lay in bed thinking of how alone you are in your cold, empty, queen-sized nest.

But the truth is I’m ACTUALLY happy. I’m just as happy for me and my singleness, as I am for you and the happiness you found in your relationship.

So don’t give me that look.

Being single is great. And these are just a few of the reasons why.

1. Your free time is yours. Do whatever the f*ck you want with it.

Between family, friends, work, school, and maintaing a reputation as a wine-o-holic, I’m busy. When I have free time, I want to sit on my couch without pants on, eat junk, watch junk, and be by myself.  A relationship means another family and group of friends with birthdays, parties, holidays, etc. I don’t have a lot of free time; so quite frankly,  I don’t want to share the free time that I do have with a boyfriend.

2. You can let your career take you anywhere.

I have big dreams. If I get a job across the country or on another continent, I don’t want to worry whether or not a boyfriend will be able to follow me.  And I certainly don’t want to feel like I have to forego my dreams to follow a guy who is chasing his own.

3. You learn independence.

And independence make you feel like Beyonce. Period.

4. Your money is yours.

So you have to pay for your own meals… get over it. When you’re out at night, you don’t have to turn guys down who want to buy you drinks, because you’re boyfriend wouldn’t approve. And think of all the money you’re saving not buying cologne, watches, expensive clothes, and other sh*t on Christmas, Valentines Day, and birthdays. You’re single. Go buy a giraffe if you want.

5. You get the WHOLE bed to yourself

Some people might see this as a negative part of being single, but I love having my bed to myself. No kinks in my neck from having some guy’s lumpy arm under my head. I can spread across the whole bed, hog the sheets and pillows, and tuck myself comfortably into my bed burrito. It’s great.

6. You figure out who you are.

The perfect time to discover your likes, dislikes, dreams, and goals is when you’re single. There’s no one to influence your decisions, or tell you who to be.

“The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well that’s just fabulous” -Carrie Bradshaw

7. You’re motivated to stay in shape.

We all know girls who get caught up in relationship world, and lose themselves in dinners for two. Girls in relationships have boyfriends who are blinded by the mask of love. They can get away with an extra 10 or 15 pounds. We’re motivated by skinny bitches in bars wearing crop tops, and hot guys with muscles who we dream of taking home. And there’s no better place to get your man-hunt on than at the gym where those beautiful bodies are made.

8. You have plenty of time for your girl friends.

And plenty of time for drinking with your girl friends.

And plenty of time for being the fun, single friend.

So if you’re single, own it. It can be so much fun, and rewarding if you do it right. And if you’re in a relationship, don’t ever doubt my ability to be happy all by myself.

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Holy Hangover

 

We’ve all had them.  Who knew that such a fun night and just a few a lot of drinks could turn into something so horrible?  No matter what kind of yummy alcohol is your drink of choice, they all have their evil sides.  Here are four types of hangovers.

The Beer Hangover

After 5,293 rounds of Flip Cup, the morning after is not pretty. As soon as you open your eyes, your tummy is doing that rumbly sound. You know, that sound where you’re convinced you have a tiny bear cub living in your stomach. You try to ignore it and go back to sleep, but it keeps happening. And then all of a sudden, it hits you. Houston, we have a problem. You dash to the bathroom – not knowing that you’re going to be spending the entire morning and even early afternoon sitting on the toilet. Disgusting. But at least you brought your phone along so you can admire the pictures of you being crowned the Flip Cup champ.

 

The Tequila Hangover

Last night was Tequila Tuesday with your best friends at the new Mexi restaurant downtown.  You had a blast.  Today is “OMG-I’m never going to drink Tequila again-Is that a sombrero under my bed?” Wednesday.  Not so much of a blast.  You physically can’t get out of bed and you’re constantly being told stories of all the funny things that you “did” last night.  (“Did” being in quotation marks because you totally don’t remember ANYTHING.)  Your head is pounding with the sounds of the mariachi band playing in your mind, but you manage to go to the kitchen for a glass of water where you find a to-go box of arroz con pollo.  Barf.  Off to the bathroom you go with thoughts of never drinking tequila again… Well, at least not until next Tuesday.

The Wine Hangover

You’ve had the longest work week ever and all you want is to relax with a nice glass of wine.  But after just one episode of Say Yes to the Dress, you realize that you’re never going to get married and the neighborhood kids are going to know you as “Crazy Cat Lady.” Screw TLC and that Bride Day Friday thing.  So, you pour another glass of wine.  And another.  And well, you know the rest. You wake up with a killer headache.  Is it just you or are the birds chirping louder than normal this morning? It’s official, you’re about to have an unproductive Saturday.  Thank your lucky stars for Netflix and Orange Is The New Black.

The Vodka Hangover

 

You had a wild night.  Well, at least that’s what your gathering from the camera roll on your phone.  It’s hard to piece together everything that happened in the last 12 hours since you and your roommate are taking turns in the bathroom.  You know you should eat something, but just the thought of food has sent you to bless the porcelain gods.  To top it all off, apparently you had a long make out session with the ugliest guy at the bar and everyone saw you.  Life is pretty miserable, and it gets even worse when you remember that you promised to make an appearance at your Grandma’s birthday luncheon.

 

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Signs You’re Overdue For a Night In

Sunday morning. You’re either just going to bed now, or waking up with an earth shattering headache. That is, if you did the weekend right. It was all going fine until tequila, then everything gets kind of blurry. Now that you mention it, the whole first half of the summer is kind of blurry. And the 4th of July is right around the corner. If you read this list and think “wow, I could have wrote that,” yeah. Take a break for a weekend and let your body rest before you get star spangled hammered in two weeks. Otherwise, you might be letting freedom ring from the bathroom floor.

Recently when people ask you what you’ve been up to you have to answer with

While your weekend started like

But quickly spiraled into

And you woke up today like

So now you’ll be spending the day explaining your choices by saying

But after seeing your debit card statement, your parents won’t even answer the phone because they know it’s going to be you begging for money.

They don’t understand that financing your drinking and late night eating habit is a two person job.

It’s gotten so bad you’ve recently been couch diving to afford the $5 bottle of wine at Wine Wednesday

You’ve spent days questioning friends what you did to bruise your entire body

You may have even had to squeeze a hospital trip into your drinking schedule to deal with a drunken injury

And while this life style is an absolute blast, you can’t remember the last time you and your bed had some quality time

Or when you used Netflix without drunkenly passing out halfway through whatever you chose.

And besides all your physical, mental, and financial problems, stories about your escapades are a popular part of dinner conversations with your friends

Who then follow the stories with exclamations about how they just “can’t even drink like that anymore” now that they have big girl jobs

But now that you think about it, the whole “hang in without pants” thing sounds nice every once in a while

On top of not having to wear a bra, it might be great to drink wine out of a proper wine glass.

Plus you don’t really know what’s going on in your friends life

Yup,  a night on the couch with your girls watching some shitty rom-com and laughing at your past weekend (while drinking moscato) is just what the doctor ordered for today’s massive hangover.

You and your friends bored with the regular popcorn and nachos for a movie night? Snack on our yummy pizza recipes or try out the healthy summer salsa before your 4th of July BBQ’s next weekend!

 

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How to Deal With a Hangover

So you had one too many drinks last night.

You don’t remember the exact amount of drinks you had, but you know it was somewhere around a billion.

You thought a glass of water and a few ibuprofen before bed would do the trick. No, no, no, no, no. You were the furthest thing from right.

The pounding headache. The nausea. The dizziness. The regrets. It’s already here.  It’s too late.

Now deal with it.

1. Cold Shower

We all know that feeling. The one when you stumble out of the bed with your eyes half open and walk to the bathroom to look in the mirror and see a creature staring back at you. We’re victims of what I like to call the “Jenny Humphrey Effect”.  Smeared makeup, raccoon eyes. Plus you just feel gross, reek of booze and bad decisions, and have some kind of sticky, unidentified substance in your hair.

A cold shower will wash away most of evidence of your hot mess status last night (unfortunately not your memories or mysterious bruises though). Why cold? Even if it is miserable, it’ll tug you from  zombie status back to real life.

2. Sexy Time

This one is self-explanatory. It’s even scientific. Orgasms are a natural form of pain relief and they’re fun. You’ll even feel a little prettier despite the fact that you’ve got huge bags under your eyes. So get back in the sheets for thirty minutes and get busy with your boo thang and/or vibrator.

 

3.  Fresh Air

When you’re hungover all you can seem to manage to do is lay on the couch and contemplate death. Do yourself a favor. Be the brave girl that you are and open your front door. Trust me, a little fresh air will make a big difference. So get off your ass, get outside, and escape the pathetic, self-pitying atmosphere in your apartment.

4. Get Moving & Be Productive

I know you want to skip class and call in sick to work.  Sometimes this is inevitable, especially when you need to be within a 30 seconds distance of a toilet at all times.

If you can make it out the door though, go to class, go to the gym, go to work. DO SOMETHING. If you are just laying around, all you can focus on is your own misery. By doing something, you can distract yourself from some of the pain, I promise.

And when all else fails…

5. Laugh at Someone Who is More Hungover Than You

Sucks to suck.

 

 

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